Most people don’t know that they marriage is created by God. He designed marriage for couples to serve one another in real love. God is the source of love too and He is the only one who can give real love for each other. So, only God can save your marriage after adultery!
If you are hurting and angry, because the adultery of your spouse. These are normal feelings to have after finding out your spouse has been with another person sexually, intimately and emotionally. But restoration of your marriage is still possible by the healing power of God. Let us give you some advices.
There are seven crucial steps that partners can take to help restore their
broken marriage, in case of adultery.
Forgiveness. For many people, this is the hardest part of recovering from an affair. Forgiveness isn’t likely to come quickly or easily – it may be a long process. But if you’re committed to your partner and your marriage, forgiveness tends to become easier over time. If you partner has truly sorry for his or her behavior and they have a need for repentance and a willingness to work on inner healing and to save the marriage then it is your duty to forgive them so that you can move on with your life and marriage. Ask God the power to forgive, He will help you.
Counselor. Make a serious commitment to rebuilding your marriage. An important step in restoring your marriage is to admit that you cannot manage your marriage problems on your own. Go to counseling together to help visibly confirm your commitment to the restoration process. Find a Christian marriage counselor who will help you restore your marriage. If is possible, seek help from a pastor or a marriage Counselor who is experienced in dealing with infidelity and how believes in restore.
Restore Trust. Rebuilding trust with your partner is most important. Trust is perhaps the most foundational ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Make a commitment to your spouse to never see or
talk to the lover again. Block potential communication with the lover (change
e-mail address and telephone, cell phone, and pager numbers. Change jobs and
relocate if necessary. True reinvestment of yourself in your marriage can’t happen without this.
Be honest. Once the shock is over, the betrayed spouse needs to hear openly and honestly what happened, and to be able to ask questions – no matter how difficult talking or hearing about this may be. Understand that you and/or your spouse may need the help of a marriage counselor to deal with it and to talk constructively about it. Be transparent and talk openly about concerns to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship. Be honest about the cause, why it could happened. Adultery often reveals underlying problems in your marriage.
Examine your relationship to understand what has contributed to the affair. Seek to understand what each of you needs to do to prevent it from happening again. Some marital problems and conflicts can be anticipated and avoided, others cannot be foreseen, and must be dealt with and resolved as they come.
This takes the effort of both partners. Marital problems are complex and there are no easy answers, or quick solutions for most. If they have been occurring over a long period of time, the relationship may be at a point of crisis. A marriage crisis is very painful to go through, but that does not mean the relationship should be ended.
Give it time. Allow each other enough time to understand, forgive and heal. It takes a very short time to destroy trust and a much longer time to rebuild it. Trust must be cultivated and nurtured. Rebuilding it requires that you consistently monitor your behavior, being very careful how you treat each other. This is the key to building a strong relationship, and trust.
Resist the Enemy. The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
We can be absolutely certain that the enemy will do everything in his power to “kill, steal, and destroy,” first the joy and then the intimacy of your marriage. According to 2 Corinthians 11:3 we know that, Satan has the ability to attack us much the same way he attacked the first marriage of Adam and Eve:
“But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3).
Satan corrupted Eve’s thinking through deceitful suggestions. Today Satan uses the same tactics, and tries to do the same thing to us. One of his chief tactics in your present circumstances will likely be to try to convince you that this situation is too big for God. That is a lie. Jesus said Nothing is too difficult for God: “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27).
Pray every day. Start to pray every day for your mate and your marriage. Believe God for a miracle in your marriage. The Bible makes it clear that God wants people to stay married. We need to expect God to supernaturally intervene in our circumstances. Unbelief and fear paralyzes us and causes us to believe our problems are too big for God. We need to believe that God can still move mountains. Jesus said, “According to your faith will it be done to you” (Matthew 9:29). What you’re going through is emotionally devastating. But know that a crisis like this often makes people and marriages stronger than ever before.