Keys to a successful christian marriage.

Seven steps to create an unbreakable bond of marriage.

Ecc. 4:12 “And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threestrand cord is not quickly broken”.


  1. God must be in the center of your marriage.
    In principle, the relationship between a husband and a wife should have God as its center. As a husband loves his wife and as his wife loves him, both of them should pass through God. Remember, you are a conduit of God’s love for your spouse. Pray for strength, guidance and wisdom to love each other well.
  2. Sense of humor and a short memory.
    Anyone who has been married for a lengthy period of time can tell you that a sense of humor is certainly required to get through the trials and tribulations of marriage. You had better be able to laugh together, and especially at yourself. When it comes to trouble, keep a short memory; lose the grudges and smile. We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. God smiles when we love him supremely.
  3. Conflict and tension.
    Say what? That’s right, most healthy marriages require periods of conflict and tension in order to balance the relationship, like steam escaping from a pot so the pot does notwrong explode. Conflict and tension also serve a role in the sexual relationship of a marriage as well. Love only grows stronger when it has endured a storm.
  4. Open communication.
    One of the deadliest poisons to a marriage is when the couple has stopped talking. When a couple has a lack of communication, it leads to suspicion, and suspicion leads to stress and worse. Married partners should be able to share everything with each other, and through that help each other navigate life successfully.
  5. Teammates and partners.
    Going hand in hand with communication is the spirit of teamwork and partnership. A huwelijk2couple should balance the best traits of each person to form the best possible team to take on the challenges of marriage, parenthood and life in general. Great teams play to each member’s strengths. Communication in marriage is one of the important marriage lessons married couples need to learn in order to have a healthy and lasting marriage.
  6. Rock-solid trust.
    Trust is hard to earn and easy to lose. It must be held as sacred. None among us are perfect, and we will make our mistakes, but in a successful marriage, trust must not be broken. It is an enormous leap of faith to align personal destiny equally with another, and without trust in that person, you will never make it. You have their back, and they have yours; never allow anything to come between. And neither spouse ever lies to the other, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation. Lies destroys the confidence.
  7. Unbreakable respect.
    When two people are in love, they have a mutual respect and desire for each other that overrides any shortcomings and traits in the other person. There is an unbreakable respect and passion for that person. This should last not only when things are going great, but when the hard times come as well—when tragedy strikes or when people change. When respect leaves a marriage, the people involved will usually follow not far behind.


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Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?


Does “living together” make you married?
That seems to be the thought of many people today, who haven’t been officially married according to courthouse documents. However, God does not recognize people living together as being married.

The woman at Jacob’s well told Jesus, “I have no husband.” Jesus replied, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband. What you have said is quite true.” (John 4:17-18). If living together made her married, Jesus would have said, “The man you are now living with is your sixth husband.” Instead, He did not recognize them as being married even though they were living together.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” “Fornication” is when a single person has sex without being married, while “adultery” is a married person having sex with someone who is not the spouse. If “living together” (having sex) made a person married, then there would be no sin of “fornication.” God says He will judge those who defile the marriage bed by living together.

Some people have argued that living together is the best preparation for marriage. They reason that cohabiting gives them a trial period, to see if they are compatible. However, statistics show that people who live together before they get married have a much higher divorce rate than those who don’t. If someone doesn’t respect the commitment to another before marriage, why would he respect the commitment after marriage?

A father once told his son that he was displeased that he was living with his girlfriend. His son said, “Dad, what difference does a marriage license make? It’s just a piece of paper.” His father went over to the filing cabinet and pulled out his will. He said, “Son, in my will I have left all my earthly possessions to you when I die.” Then the father tore up the will. His son, watching in horror, said, “Dad, what are you doing? Are you leaving me out of your will just because I’m living with my girlfriend without getting married?” His father replied, “Don’t worry, son. It’s just a piece of paper.”

That marriage license is not just a “piece of paper.” The license is a legal contract, proving that you have committed yourselves together in marriage. If you have sex the day beforewait you get married, it would be forbidden by God. But if you have sex one hour after you get married, it would blessed by God. What’s the difference? What constitutes marriage in God’s eyes?

Simply this. Marriage is a covenant made

  • before God,
  • to each other,
  • in eyes of society
  • according to the laws of the land.

God says that He witnesses the covenant that a couple makes when they get married. “The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth…(who) is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:14). A covenant is a contract, agreed upon by two parties. It is a commitment that has a beginning point, and consequences for breaking it.

What about a man and woman living together, but not having sex? This also would not be right for a couple of reasons.

  • Living together opens you to temptation. Even if you aren’t having sex now, the likelihood is increased by living together.
  • Other people will naturally assume that you are having sex, which damages your reputation. If you are a Christian, this destroys your witness.

God wants to bless your life, but it must be on His terms. First, He wants you to know Him through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Second, He wants you to stop having sexual relations with someone who is not your spouse. No matter what immorality you have done in your past, God can cleanse you through the blood of Jesus. Then, as Jesus told the woman caught committing adultery, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11).

If you would like to talk to someone about your difficult situation, we’d love to hear from you. You can send us your story, click here.

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What’s wrong with having sex before marriage?

waitSomeone asked me: If we really love each other, what’s wrong with having sex?
When we want an answer from the Bible, there are many reasons why you should not engage in sex before marriage. They add up to one thing: What you gain by sex before marriage is not worth what you lose by it.

So, what do you gain? A short thrill. Perhaps some momentary pleasure. But what you lose by having sex before marriage can affect your entire life. Let us look at just a few of the reasons you should wait until marriage.

It can ruin your chances of knowing real love.
A girl makes a tragic mistake when she tries to gain love or hold on to it by giving sex. Real love may lead to a marriage, and this is normally followed by sex. But on the other hand, sex does not lead allways to real love. Instead, it often destroys your chances of knowing real love and It can keep you from ever knowing God’s best.

One of the wrong ideas concerning sex is that it is just a physical thrill to be enjoyed with whomever you choose. This makes sex cheap and meaningless, and it disregards certain facts about how we are made.

Sex is not just a physical act.
In sexual intercourse, you and the other person become one. It is such an intimate experience that a part of you remains forever with the other person. When you do get married, you will find that you can never give your mate 100% of yourself. Why? Because you have given part of yourself away to others. To take this lightly is not only foolish but it is plain ignorance of how God made us. Under the right circumstances, sex can be an exciting and thrilling experience, as God intended it to be. But outside of marriage it can be a disappointing.

It is risky, it can result in some BIG problems.
If it is God’s plan for you to be married, He has just the right person in mind for you. But sex before marriage,.. can fool you into marrying the wrong person. If you becomewrong involved with someone sexually before marriage, you may think that you have found real love when all you have is the thrill and excitement of sexual attraction. You go ahead and get married and then you discover that you married the wrong person. You find out too late that it was not real love but only sex that was the attraction. Sex before marriage greatly reduces your chances of a successful marriage. One reason is that those who play around with sex before marriage tend to do the same thing after marriage. They are never satisfied, always looking for a new thrill. Sometimes couples engage in sex before marriage, then get married and seemingly get along well. But they have sown seeds of doubt and distrust which will bear bitter fruit later on.

Reasons why you should avoid sex before marriage.
There is one reason that is more important than all other reasons: It is wrong! It is wrong because God says it is sin. Nothing can change that. Sin is that which is contrary to God’s will. God has said that all sex outside of marriage is sin. Sex between two unmarried people is called “fornication.” It is one of the most damaging sins. The Bible says, “Flee fornication…he that commits fornication sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

God says that all forms of normal or perverted sex outside of marriage are sin. People say, “Times have changed,” but God has not changed, nor has He changed His mind about these things. The Bible says:

wedding“Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

“Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind [homosexuals]…shall inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9,10).

God wants us to have the BEST
Many young people do not understand why God tells us not to engage in sex before marriage. Some even think that God does not want us to enjoy sex, but this is not true at all. The truth is that God gave commandments concerning sex, not to keep us from enjoying it, but in order that we might enjoy sex to the fullest and over the longest period of time.

There is any hope for you.
Someone reading this may be saying, “I have already jumped the tracks. Is there any hope for me?” Yes, there is hope for you! Jesus Christ can pick you up out of the mud of your sins and failures, clean you up, and put you back on the tracks.

On one occasion, some religious leaders brought to Jesus a woman who was guilty of adultery. They threw this woman at the feet of Jesus and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded that she should be put to death by throwing stones at her. But what do you say?”

These men did not care about this woman. They were simply using her as a means of getting Jesus into trouble. If Jesus said, “Do not stone her,” He would be going against the law of Moses. If He said, “Put her to death,” He would be in trouble with the Roman government.

Jesus did not answer them right away. He kneeled down and began writing in the sand. When these men continued to press Jesus for a decision, He stood up and said, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw the first stone.”

Those who heard Him were convicted by their consciences and left, one by one. Jesus forgave this woman of her sins and said to her, “Go and sin no more.”

Christ will forgive you!
Jesus wants to forgive you and make you clean in God’s sight. He shed His precious bloodliefde on the cross that you might be forgiven of your sins. His blood can cleanse you from all your sins. The Bible says, “…the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from ALL SIN” (1 John 1:7).

You do not need to be afraid to come to Jesus. He forgave the woman taken in the act of adultery. He is “the Friend of sinners,” and He invites you to come to Him. Jesus said, “…anyone who comes to Me, I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:37).

Your part is to come to Him; His part is to take you in. He will not only forgive you for your sins, but He can deliver you from any sin that may be binding you. Jesus said, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed” (John 8:36).

If this is what you truly want, get alone with the Lord Jesus. Tell Him about your sins. Tell Him everything. He will not reject you. Thank Him for dying on the cross for your sins. Ask Him to make you clean through His precious blood which was shed for you. Ask the Lord Jesus to come into your heart and give you a new life.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

If you would like to talk to someone about your difficult situation, we’d love to hear from you. You can send us your story, click here.

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Principles for finding a Christian life partner.

weddingMarriage is one of the most important choices you will ever have to make in your life. The choice you make will determine if you will have a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage. It will undoubtedly affect the lives, hopes, dreams and careers of your children if you were to have any.

In this article I will give you principles for finding a Christian partner:

  1. Take your time with God, don’t make your choice in a hurry.
    To rush into a marriage can be disastrous. The most important decision of your life, of course, is your decision to follow the Lord. This decision is not a one-time declaration, but a daily determination to follow Jesus above all.
    The best way for a Christian to find a life partner according to God`s will and choice is to pray. Begin in prayer. It is important to pray to God and ask Him to choose the best person for you, the one most suited to your needs and to God`s plan. Then it is important to obey God`s will. This means you will choose to be where God wants you to be. This usually means, in most cases, that you`ll choose to be part of a Bible-teaching church or assembly where you will grow in God`s Word and fellowship with godly people. You are more likely to find your life`s partner in such a place.
  2. So, have a daily quiet time with God.
    You need a moment at the day, where you read the Bible and pray and start putting Scripture into practice in your life. Go to church regularly to worship God and switch off your “partner searching periscope” when you go there. In fact switch it off as often as you can. There is something very unattractive about people who are obviously looking for a partner. Godly people want a godly partner.
    First trust in GOD for a life partner. Put JESUS first in all things. Serve in your local church. Establish healthy relationships. Love the word of GOD.
  3. Being single can be an important time to prepare you for marriage.
    It can also be a time to experience a closer communion with God. As you seek God to cleanse you of the world and help you become the kind of wife or husband that would bless someone, you will soon find that you are not lonely.
    First, the Lord would begin using you to bless others; then you will find you are content in Him. Eventually, in God’s plan and timing, He will bless you with a wonderful mate so that both lives can be a witness for Him.
    Marriage is the second major choice you make in our lives, and you should never enter into it without much prayer. The worse loneliness one can experience is not single but marries someone who does not feel the same way you feel about the Lord. Singles need to stop believing the “I am missing something” lie and accept the call to obey and serve God with their whole heart, mind, and strength. Marriage may or may not be a part of God’s plan for you so it is time to live the life you have now and trust God for the rest.
  4. Be careful.
    Not everyone, where you fall in love is suitable as life partner. This is important to know. If a person is a Christian but has still a problem with drugs or alcohol or promiscuity then be very careful. If they are constantly in financial trouble or always quitting their jobs be careful. Things like eating disorders, very low self-esteem and the need to control people can be a great problem in a marriage.
    If they are believers then God is working in their lives and there is hope but some believers  are not yet ready for responsibility. Some may be “barely believers” and not really committed to long term change. I am not saying don’t marry them, I am saying think very, very long and hard before you do. Give them time to grow and to prove themselves before you tie the knot.
  5. Understand, you need someone who can pray with you.
    Couples that pray together stay together and that’s a proven fact. The Christian marriages that fail have one partner thatbiddenpunt2 avoids having daily devotionals together. Prayer really builds deep intimacy into a marriage. Marriage is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man.  This is a wife or husband that will be a blessing for you from the Lord.
  6. No fellowship or compromise with darkness.
    For those who have discovered God’s light, there can be no fellowship or compromise with darkness. We cannot have a part in the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons at the same time. You cannot follow Christ and the crowd (1 Corinthians 10:20-21). When you put your trust in God  He promised to lead us if we follow Him.
    Psalm 37:47.  Have faith in the Lord, and do good; be at rest in the land, and go after righteousness. So will your delight be in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Put your life in the hands of the Lord; have faith in him and he will do it. And he will make your righteousness be seen like the light, and your cause like the shining of the sun.
  7. Want to know where to find the right kind of partner?
    I see many Christians destroying themselves in the effort to find a husband or a wife. They wear revealing clothes, hang around nightclubs and feel ashamed in church on Sunday. Pain and desperation are driving them to clumsily adopt the ways of the world in finding a  life partner. It can only lead to heartache and disappointment.
    If you want to find a Christian partner, go to church, local singles events where Christians meet regularly. Don’t expect to meet people if you are in the house and your door is shut.  In Proverbs 18:22 says, “He that finds a wife, findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”
    God did not say that there is one particular woman for a man but whoever finds the right kind of person (husband/wife) finds a good thing. The kind of a person that shares the same views likes and interests with you.

Pray that God will guide you and follow the above guidelines and you can be sure God will lead you to a suitable person. If you both love and respect each other, you will know that God has guided you. It’s not always plain sailing to get to that place though so be patient.

If you would like to talk to someone about your difficult situation, we’d love to hear from you. You can send us your story, click here.

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Is there any hope for you, after divorce?

Unfortunately, it also happens in the Christian marriage, your spouse has left you for different reasons. In our years of counseling we spoke a lot of christian people who were divorced. It is clear, sexual immorality and abandonment, is a biblical ground for divorce. Because the way back to each other is closed, because the basic of their married was destroyed.

Many express their feelings of loss, betrayal and confusion. But, divorce is not the end of the road.  We are thankful for the healing and restoring work of Jesus in many people. It isn’t easy, and it often is not what we would have chosen, but there are still choices you can make as you deal with this new situation. Divorce is painful. There is nothing that will quickly take the pain away, it is something that has to be worked through. If you are experiencing divorce, you are dealing with grief, with rejection, with having your heart broken. Going through the trauma of separation and divorce is indescribable!

Someone told us after divorce, “there was a time I could not have shared an encouraging word with others regarding my experience. I was torn inwardly to bits and pieces. I wondered why me? Why our marriage? I wondered why God didn’t come quickly to change everything. Life seemed so hopeless, so meaningless. What did life have to offer now? What was left for me to do?” We can soon feel sorry for our circumstances and for ourselves, and see others who have it so much easier or so much better. But you have to know, the devil loves self-pity. He can produce sin in us such as bitterness, resentment, also anger against those who have hurt us. We are not allow this to take place.

Maybe this is your experience too. In that case we wants to say, “because of the mercy and grace of God, we truly rejoice to tell you that God is greater than any problem. God has so much patience with us in our healing process. He would keep you from going into deep depression, and He can make it possible that you are able to help others who are may be in the same need. He can make you a blessing for other wounded people, because God must have a purpose for your life.

Rejection after Divorce
The first issue is feeling rejected. Your ex-spouse’s rejection does not change who you are and how valuable you are as a person. But you are still a person uniquely made by God – someone with purpose, talents, opinions and who can be used to be a blessing for otherpeople. Rejection is a cruel and degrading experience. Self-worth goes down the drain. Let me tell you, rejection and then divorce are such negative experiences and can become very depressive. We must allow God to take charge and completely take over in our lives.

Turn your eyes on Jesus.
Maybe to felt unloved and unwanted at the moment, God call you to turn your eyes on Him. He is able to move the mountain of pain as well as the obstacles in our marriage, He will revealed Himself so that you no longer see the mountain, but you see Jesus and He will take your hand in His hand, God is right beside us and we need to recognize His hand, His nearness. When you are willing to see God as bigger, greater, and stronger than your burdens and problems, you are able to see a ray of hope as you turn your eyes upon Him. Jesus can remove many mountains for you when you focus on Him and realize He is greater than any of your hurts or problems. He is greater. He is with me. The Bible says that Jesus was despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows and familiar with grief.

Isaiah 53:3-4 “Men made sport of him, turning away from him; he was a man of sorrows, marked by disease; and like one from whom men’s faces are turned away, he was looked down on, and we put no value on him. But it was our pain he took, and our diseases were put on him: while to us he seemed as one diseased, on whom God’s punishment had come.”

He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows. Jesus had a real healing ministry when He lived among men. He wept. He prayed and showed His love to children, to the sick. Now, He’s right here to touch and heal our hurts also — physically, spiritually, and emotionally. We know He is touched by our hurts and rejection, because He too experienced this from His very own. He too suffered when He was on the way to the cross of Calvary (Heb. 2:17-18). Through all this He is able to help those who are tempted.

Important to know.
He will not give us more suffering than we can bear and He will provide a way out so we can stand up under it (I Cor. 10:13). You need to know someone really understands and cares you, when you have feelings of unloved, unwanted, and rejected by the one closest to you. Jesus is always beside you with outstretched arms ready to enfold you and love you and heal your hurts. He dwells within us by His spirit. His promises fail not!

We need to assure ourselves of this constantly. No human, regardless how dear he or she may be to us, should ever mar or destroy our relationship with Jesus Christ. Nor should we feel our life cannot go on without them, or without their love and support.

Positive Steps to Take
We like to share some additional steps as an encouragement for everyone who are struggling with life’s hurts:

  1. Be very open with God — tell Him your feelings, your needs and believe in an answer. The will speak in your heart by His Spirit.
  2. Read your Bible and mark promises or anything that strikes you. Find verses of God’s nearness, His power, and guidance.
  3. Be willing to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice we need to make: forgiving ourselves as well as forgiving those who hurt us. A deep settled peace and acceptance followed when you have experiences the freedom of forgiveness.
  4. Fill your mind with positive quotes, poems, and songs which are an encouragement to you. Ensure that self-pity will destroy you, the devil loves self-pity, but it is dangerous.
  5. Entrust yourself to new opportunities God may have for you. He can restore you by Gods power.
  6. Praise the Lord through it all, even when you do not feel His presence and love anymore!
  7. Be patiently, because there is no way through the pain of divorce quickly. God will answer your prayers each day, but      the way of new hope and strength will grow slowly back into your life.      This will build a stronger foundation in your life and in your spirit. You      can discover new blessings, new treasures, and even a new you – if you      determine to make an effort each day. God bless you!

If you are going through a divorce or if you would like to talk to someone about your relationship, we’d love to hear from you. You can send us your story, click here.

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Marriage Problems in Christian Relationships

We all know there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, although some marriages may appear that way. Life isn’t all sunshine and roses.
In John 16:33 Jesus said, “In this world you will have trials.” Truth be told, this sad statement applies to our marriages too. But Jesus finishes this statement by saying, “Take heart, I have overcome the world.”

So, a happy marriage is a very real option, and God is honored when we have happy, healthy marriages. In this manual, through the Scriptures, my goal is to show you exactly how to win back your spouse and re-ignite the passion in your once happy marriage.

Do you remember the feelings you shared when you first fell in love? Do you recall when it was impossible to look at each other without smiling, and just spending time alone together was the perfect night? Those were the days when you knew God’s blessings were upon you. You were happy together once. And if you were happy once, you can be happy again. But be carefully, there are common marriage problems, let me give you an advice, learn to forgive.

Learning how to Forgive.
First you have to understand, the Meaning of Forgiveness is Not Forgetting.

Learning how to forgive is one of the secrets to longevity in marriage. But in order to forgive you must first understand the meaning of forgiveness and the forgiveness of God which was extended to us through His son Jesus.

The truth is, when you’ve been hurt, the last thing you want to do is to try and understand. Especially when the source of your pain is the person you trusted the most in life.  You replay the events in your mind again and again trying to make sense of a senseless deed.

But the more you think about it, the sadder you become. So, you try not thinking about it. You try to forget about it and move on. But the meaning of forgiveness is not forgetting. You see, forgiveness has more to do with your heart than it does your memory.

Not only is forgiveness a matter of the heart, but according to the Word of God forgiving others is not optional. The Bible says that if you want forgiveness from God, you must forgive others, Colossians 3:13.

“Being gentle to one another and having forgiveness for one another, if anyone has done wrong to his brother, even as the Lord had forgiveness for you.”

It doesn’t matter what the offense, your response must always be “Lord, show me how to forgive.”

Understanding how forgiveness Works
When a person says “I’m sorry” unfortunately their apology does little to reduce or eliminate your pain. Just like the pain you experience in your physical body, emotional pain is a warning that there is a malfunction or injury.

How long will it take for you to completely heal from this soul injury? Well, that depends on three things:

  • the depth of your hurt,
  • your desire to be free from it,
  • your commitment to the process of releasing it to God.

The process is as unique as each individual. But the outcome can still be victorious if you allow the Holy Spirit to walk you through the process of overcoming bitterness and releasing the pain to God.

How Can I Praise God If I’m Bound in Chains?

Take Off Those Shackles. It is impossible to lift your hands to worship God in Spirit and in Truth if your heart is bound by unforgiveness. Learning how to forgive your spouse for their flaws is crucial because if you remain in unforgiveness it’s like accepting a life sentence of spiritual bondage.

Being in bondage means something or someone has over-powered you and is holding you prisoner. You are a slave to this thing. Your actions are governed by it and so are your thoughts.

In essence, you are unable to move forward in a progressive motion. Your inability to move forward means that you are not experiencing the fullness of God’s joy and you are delaying the fulfillment of God’s best being manifested in your life.

When you want to be free.
You can be totally free from the chains of unforgiveness by understanding the forgiveness of God that was given to you by Christ Jesus. You see, Christ forgave you and continues to forgive you over and over and over again. There is no limit to His forgiveness.

Even after being nailed to a cross Jesus asked His Father to forgive those who had crucified Him. Can you imagine that? Jesus had been beaten all night, verbally abused, spat upon, and falsely accused. Yet He was able to forgive.
And guess what? The same forgiveness that Jesus extended back then is the same forgiveness he expects you to extend today, especially to your spouse.

Remember, marriage is a union between TWO imperfect individuals. Neither of you are perfect. But understanding that Christ loves you both and forgives you both is the first step to understanding how to forgive one another.

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Ways to build a strong Christian Marriage.

We have to understand, it takes a lot of time and energy, to build a strong marriage. You’ll need to work every day on your marriage, because you’re both going to finding what you admire in each other most, so that you can fall in love again.

Going through hard times can make that a husband and wife feelings closer and more committed to each other than ever before, or it can pull them apart and sever their relationship. How will your marriage fare in tough times? Will it survive or will it thrive? The challenge is to draw closer to your mate and build a stronger marriage, rather than letting the tough times drive a wedge between the two of you. Let me suggest some ways to strengthen your relationship and keep your marriage strong through tough times:

  • Show your affection
    In times of tension and disagreement, make a special effort to forgive, restore and reaffirm your love. Make it a point to tell each other “I love you,” and say it often. Don’t just assume your mate knows how you feel, It’s during the tough times that your partner needs the reassurance of your love even more.
    For example: put a note in his briefcase to say how much you appreciate him or when you see that she has had a rough day and offer to finish her chores. Small gestures like these can go a long way.
    “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you,” (Ephesians 4:32).
  • Your marriage is important for you
    Make your partner your first priority above your parents, your boss and even your kids. (Except God, of course, He deserves every time the first priority in your family, even above your spouse and your family).
    Every day, you are presented with several choices that either will or will not reflect your priorities. Your marriage is important and your first priority, so make sure to protect it by making wise decisions.
    Doing nothing through envy or through pride, but with low thoughts of self-let everyone take others to be better than himself; Not looking everyone to his private good, but keeping in mind the things of others.” (Philippians 2:3, 4)
    For example: If your mom invites you to visit for the weekend, but your wife already has other plans, when needed, have the courage to ask your mom for a rain check instead of ignoring your wife’s needs.
  • Find out what makes your spouse feel loved
    Does your wife love it when you surprise her with flowers? How does your wife react when you help out with chores without being asked? Does your wife well up with pride when you say, “Dinner tastes great, thanks for cooking”?   If you aren’t sure what makes your spouse feel loved, ask her. Instead of keeping score of who worked harder each day, treat each other the way you did when you first fell in love. Let her be you first love.
    Jesus said ‘But I have this against you, that you are turned away from your first love.’ (Rev.2:4)
  • Relax and take time to enjoy your marriage
    Mark 6:31 tells about when the disciples had been working hard and were weary. Jesus told them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” Jesus often went to the mountains or desert for relaxation. Block out some time in your schedule to be alone with your mate and get away from whatever is causing you stress. Go on a walk, to a park, or the beach. Get involved with a new activity.
  • Begin to pray every day for your spouse
    Believe God for miracles in your marriage. Psalm 77:14 says, You are the God who performs miracles.” The Bible makes it clear that God wants people to stay married. We need to expect God to supernaturally intervene in our circumstances. Unbelief and fear paralyzes us and causes us to believe our problems are too big for God. We need to believe that God can still move mountains.  Jesus said, “According to your faith will it be done to you” (Matthew 9:29)
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